my love is lost
by twilight-girl545
Summary: I'm Bella Maison, I'm happily married to Edward Maison who i love with all my heart and i don't think I'd ever get into an argument with him. I was currently working as a teacher when the insident happend.PLEASE REVIEW IF NOT FOR THE STORY FOR ME PLEASE!
1. death

**hi, im back i know i keep doing stories that i find kinda hard to continue. But this is meant to be a one shot but i will continue if i get 5 reviews that ask me to continue i shall, but if not i guess its a one shot! lol! oh yeah its all human if it's any importance!!!**

**disclaimer: i don't own twilight...but is really upset now i realize it :\**

**intro...**

**Bella's (pov)**

_I'm Bella Mason, I'm happily married to Edward Mason who i love with all my heart. His bronze sexy hair, his care for me and more i truly loved him __and i don't think I'd ever get into an argument with him. I was currently working as a teacher while Edward was a full time musician, i loved his music it made my heart sore through good times and bad. _

I woke up with rays of sun sparkling through cracks in the blinds. I looked to the side table to check the time and was greeted by a breakfast tray with my favourite cereal which was complete with a single lily in a small vase. I smiled and pushed my hair back then realized a note was beside it.

_hi honey,_

_I hope you liked your breakfast but there is some bad news i won't be home till six. I'm sorry i can't bare to be away from you but there will be a surprise when i get back._

_love you with all my heart, Edward xxx_

I couldn't help but giggle at the three kisses at the end _sigh he never fails to do that! _My mind wondered, I ate my breakfast which was delicious. After i had finished i had a shower and got dressed for another day at school! _Wow that sounds kinda stupid you don't go to school any more you teach! _I chose to ignore that sarcastic remark a part of my brain thought. I walked to work with a smile on my face and the wind blowing through my hair, until Mike and Jake came along _ugh! I hate those guys and even though I'm MARRIED! they still try to get me to go out with them_

"oh look who it is" Jake whispered " right it's my turn to hit on her" he added

" no way! She's mine" Mike argued

"you're just pathetic" even though he knew what mike's reaction would be

" look come on we both are"

"NO SHIT SHERLOCK!" he replied, they finally came toward me and stopped dead in front of me "hey Bella" Jake said in a smug voice

"what do you want? oh wait let me guess erm...Will you go out with me Bella? NO! you idiot are you crazy I'M FUCKING MARRIED!...ok I'm so glad we were able to sort that out" I said with a mouth full of sarcasm. I went to walk off but he didn't back down "move now" i yelled.

"oh no you're comming back to my place I've had enough, just forget that Mason guy,"

"Look i think i just made it pretty clear i think you're a loser with nothing better to do than piss me off now as i said before MOVE!" he then moved as he realized people started to look _finally the one time i can thank annoyingly nosey people! _I managed to get to school with no other problems. I got to the school and walked into the class before the students came in, i taught English for my love of books and poetry stuff like that. I had the older students today practicing for exams, the bell rang through the halls calling the students to their lessons " the morning rush " was what i called it.

The students walked in their usual happy selves _Ha! yeah right! _"ok class we'll be doing some practice tests."

They all groaned " look come on guys i hate tests as much as you but if you don't do it you'll be the worst class in the world and every one will think out school is shit" then every one laughed and went ooooh _ugh pathetic!_

" yes i said shit big deal!" i said whilst handing out the papers, "right off you go" just as i said that Mark walked in _i hate you so much you scince bug freak!_

" hi kid's, hey Bella oooh a test is it a science one-" i cut him off

"NO MARK! im a English teacher!"

"ooooh ok ok whatever anyway- ooooh butterfly!"

" MARK PISS OFF YOU BUG FREAK, WEIRDO THERE IS A TEST GOING ON!" with that i slamed the door in his face he is such a weirdo no wonder they don't let him help at parents evening! A student then raised his hand _this better be good!_

" yes" i sighed

"Ms you rock!"

"why thank you but come on it can't be just me we must all think Mark is a weirdo!" every one nodded "ok then keep going with the test" the rest of the day was pretty much the same boring and silent, until finally the bell rang signaling that i could go home. I walked out and saw Mark and he waved me over "hey, Bella you want me to drive you home?"

"Mark i think i made it perfectly clear in the class I DON'T LIKE YOU! GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL!" i yelled

"ok,ok you can just walk home then"

"fine" i sighed, he opened his car door and offered me the seat and i reluctently took it. The drive was silent which was good for me but after 10 minuets of him staring at me he stopped the car, i got out quickly and said bye not that i liked him it was only polite i mean he just saved me a 20 minuet walk. I then tooked my key's from my bag and opened the door. I had loads of stuff to do aroud the house like take out the trash, do the sheets on the bed, the dishes and finally dinner. I hung up my coat and with no time to sit down i started on the housework before Edward got home. So first on my list was take out the trash which was kind of annoying when it kept building up by the side of the house due to the fact that the bin men were on strike _great! _It was now five o'clock and dinner is cooking nicely, we're having mushroom ravioli. I jumped on the sofa and kicked up my feet to read a calming book before it was half five when i would take dinner off the stove, if it got cold i would warm it up when he got here. I was reading Romeo and Juliet a clasic and a great book at the same time it made me think of me and Edward, our love story.

_---------FLASHBACK------------_

_I was in my usual cafe having my usual coffe at 7am. Then he walked in the most amazing, hot guy in the world he looked so fine and fetching with his sexy hair and oh my fricking God he looked at me and gave me a crooked grin. At that moment i faited into a sweet dream with him, i thought of a medow the both of us in sweet silence that surrounded the forest around us._

_Then he spoke to me bella bella bella. Then back once again to reality "miss miss miss" the man spoke louder and louder until i awoke. He then pulled the same smile again and yep here i go again! But he caught me just in time "hey, you ok" he greeted me with a velvet voice that made my heartbeat increase._

_"huh huh" i nodded and he let out a chuckle, but that was all i could manage to say_

_" well ok then lets get you some more coffe" and with that he picked me up and put me on my seat. From there we got eachothers numbers and love grew on to a first date, second and pretty soon marige._

_----------end of flashback-----------_

Then the door opened "honey I'm home!" he shouted. I ran to him while laughing and hugged him, he picked me up and spun me around "Edward stop it" i giggled and he instantly put me down and gave me a quick but sweet kiss. "oh yes I've got a suprise, close your eyes and put out your hands" i did so and he placed a small object in my hands. I opened my eyes it was a key. "come outside with me" i ran outside and saw a red porsche, it was a 911 turbo.

"Edward" i said in a sturn voice

"yes"

"how much did this cost?" i was worried what the awnser would be.

"well..allrsavings" he went quiet at the end

"WHAT DID YOU SAY SPEEK UP!" i got angry

"ok, all our savings-BUT it's so can get to gig's easier and you can get to work" he tried to give a smile of hope but that ain't gonna work buddy

"WHAT! EDWARD WE WERE GOING TO USE THAT MONEY TO MOVE AWAY GET A NEW PLACE BUT YOU TRADED ALL THAT IN FOR A CAR!"

"HEY! LISTEN I DID IT FOR US WE CAN ALWAYS SAVE UP AGAIN!" he defended himself

"BUT EDWARD WE PLANED AND PREPARED THIS FOR 3 YEARS AND NEXT WEEK WE WOULD OF HAD ENOUGH!"

" I KNOW THAT BUT WE'RE FINE WHERE WE LIVE NOW"

" I DON'T CARE THIS WAS OUR DREAM AND YOOU JUST HAD TO GO AND CHANGE IT DIDN'T YOU"

"WELL YEAH! I WANTED TO DO SOMETHING FOR MYSELF FOR ONCE"

"HA! I DIDN'T ASK YOU TO DO STUFF FOR ME."

We argued for about half an hour, until it moved closer to the road i was on the pavement and he was in the road.

"I SAID I DON'T CARE AND EDWARD GET OUT OF THE ROAD BEFORE YOU GET RUN OVER!" even though i hated him right now i was worried.

" I'M SURE YOU'D LIKE THAT WOULDN'T YOU?"

"HOW COULD YOU SAY A THING LIKE THAT YOU IDIOT"

" OH YEAH THAT'S RIGHT PIN IT ALL ON ME."

**(hey guys now i want you to do something for me, right now open a new tab go on youtube and play how to save a life right now while reading trust me it's worth it!!! please!!!)**

At that moment a car came along but we hardly noticed it with all the noise we were making. But we soon noticed it when it tried to stop it made the loudest screeching noise, Edward tried to run but he was too late. The car hit him and he fell to the floor.

"EDWARDDD!!!!" i screamed with tears down my cheeks i ran to him falling to the ground beside him

"(cough) I'm s-sorry...i love you " he breathed

" i love you please you can't die i love you too much...NO YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME!" i cryed

"Bella-" i cut him off

"shh shh don't talk you'll be ok don't worrie" at that moment he closed his eyes

"NO,NO... have you called an amblience?" i asked the guy that run him over with tear filled eyes and he nodded. Two minuets later the amblience came and Carslile Cullen ran out, i think he checked his pulse.

"he's stable, not dead we still have a chance if we get him to the hospital right now but it's not a great chance" he told me. I burst into even more tears as we made our way to the hospital seeing him there with little chance to live hurt and crushed me no more anger, reality was i loved him and nothing would change that but nothing could change that he was in this state. We finally got to the hospital and Edward was rushed to the emergancey room and i was told to wait in the waiting room, i held up a struggle i mean i wanted to see him to be with him through all of it but Carslile insisted that i wait.

It was a long half hour when Carslile came in. "Bella-" i cut him off

"NO, NO I KNOW THAT TONE!" i stared to cry and as he continued

"I'm so sorry" i fell to the floor from his words

"NO!" i screamed "NO, NO, NO!... HE CAN'T HE'S NOT DEAD PLEASE TELL ME HE'S NOT DEAD" i cryed even more, Carslile then pulled me up and gave me a hug trying to comfort me but it didn't "IT'S NOT FAIR, IT'S NOT FAIR!"

"Bella shh, shh I'm here for you" he hushed me.

**right thats it but i have got a plot so if you want me to continue i shall if i get 5 reviews P.S i do want to continue so much but if no one reads it i won't be able to there would be no point BUT TO WHOM EVER, EVER READS IT PLEASE REVIEW IF NOT FOR THE STORY OR YOURSELF FOR ME! PLEASE XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**


	2. cold

**hey, back with the chapter i promised you if i got 5 reviews thanks to: brittany08forever, hayleyf9, sobab, eliza, lizzy, sarah and IZZY :) thankyou all so much it means a lot that you reviewed.**

**A question i was asked:**

**brittany08forever: is Edward really dead?**

**awnser: NO! :) i love Edward too much to kill him off you'll find out how he is alive in this chapter! yay .lol.**

**disclamer: I do not own twilight... but do own some pills for OCD (obsesive Cullen disorder!)**

**Carslile's (pov)**

_"shh shh I'm here for you Bella" i hushed her._

"but its not fair please tell me he's not dead please" she begged me, the truth was Edward was not dead and it broke my heart that i had to lie for her and his sake. I had just changed Edward so we could move and leave Bella to Grieve i knew it sounded selfish and mean but Edward would surely hurt her so we would move back when all the people we once new were gone even though it would cause much heartbreak for Bella i couldn't just let him die when i could so easily help him. Me and Esme would treat him like a son our own son and maybe we could be a family, i would teach Edward our ways of life and how to control his vampire needs in life.

" Bella I'm sorry for your loss" i wanted to cry for her. But i needed to stay strong be there to help her through all the hurt and suffering i would cause for her and Edward. I felt horrible at that it's my fault she's upset but if i hadn't he would of actually died.

"oh God no please no why him why not me!" she sobbed onto my shoulder, right there right then i wanted to tell her he was ok not harmed in any way that he would stay alive forever. Yet i didn't for her sake.

**Edward's (pov) omg yay!**

Last thing i knew i was arguing with Bella when i was hit then rushed to where i was now. I was laying on a hospital bed with my eye's shut and agony flowing through my body. I wanted to scream let out all the pain but after Carslile yes Carslile bit me! He told me to stay calm and try to stay quiet because he was going to tell Bella i was dead for my own good, yes i really see how that's good! I wanted to scream no and tell him he was crazy and that he was...wait! Oh God he was a vampire but they only existed in story's, well at least that's what i thought. That's why he's telling Bella I'm dead, i won't hurt her and that's probably why he wants her to think I'm dead.

The pain grew stronger and stronger pircing through my body at amazing speed yet it felt like forever. Then i herd Bella scream _right that's it vampire or no vampire i can't let her suffer like this!_ I went to leave my bed and tell her everything was ok, but i was stuck to my bed and i couldn't move i let out a quiet moan trying not to make too much noise the pain reached my fingertips like a roaring fire raging through my body stopping at no cost. My head hurt from all the thinking and pain, trying to think of something eles seemed imposible at this time.

I want to change what happend, i should have never bought that car and we would never of had that arguement and i could have been with my beloved.

The girl i loved taken from my arms and left to fend for herself. No longer able to touch her face, smell her hair in the morning, kiss her lips with so much meaning and love or talk to her. I think most of the agony i was feeling was that i would never be with her again it hurt me to think that the only thing in my life that was worth living for, was taken from me. God, trying to be so blas

Images of Bella swam around my head as I burned. Burning, endlessly burning. I was on fire and I couldn't move, my eyelids felt like blocks of cement. After what seemed like an eternity Carslile came to me, holding my hand between his icy ones, murmering to me. " Edward, Edward. God, I don't even know if you can hear me, I just need to tell you I'm sorry for doing this to you. Taking you from your life, your wife, everything. It was the only way I could save you, I'm so sorry, so sorry..." he trailed off murmering ' I'm so sorry' a few more times. All i wanted was to see Bella let her know i was sorry at least say bye! But i knew i couldn't. I did respect what Carslile for what he did for me i knew i would miss her more than anything in my life...but there's no going back now i guess.

My heartbeat grew faster and faster. I had no idea how much time i had left a day, an hour, a few seconds? The pain came further up my chest as my heart kept speeding up. This was it seconds and i was dead amongst the living no longer alive or save for Bella. By now Carslile was gone and i was in pain that was all i knew,nothing of Bella or how she was. Then i forgot about everthing else as the pain shot around my heart, pumping through it in blinding pain like no other thing i had felt. I wanted to cry out to ask for help... I wanted Bella she would make it go away say it was alright and that she loved me, at least i hope she does.

**Bella's (pov)**

He was gone dead taken from me. I mean i couldn't even see him that just made me hurt even more; not able to see Edward the only man i loved my husband for God sake! With tears streaming down my cheeks Carslile sat me down on a chair and got me some water to drink. "Why can't i see him?" i whispered,Carslile paused for a moment, _what was that all about? _my subconsious wondered _don't be paranoid bella, you're reading too much into this, he's gone. _the more rational side of my mind told me, wiping her face clumsily with her sleeve, I cried along with my subconsious.

" It will be harder for you that's why I've seen some people when their partners die they kill themselves, and i won't let that happen to you Bella" he put on a hopefull smile. But it didn't help much. I was too broken up to smile or think of any happy thoughts at this point. "Is there anyone who you'd like me to call for you, Bella?" Carslile asked, sitting beside me and taking my hand. I nodded mutely, took my cell from my pocket and scrolled down the list of contacts. He pryed the phone from my fingers and called the number with his free hand. I heard the whole thing.

"Hey Bella, what's up? Jazz...Jazz get off!" there was giggling on the line, Carslile waited. "I'm on the phone to Bella! Look, you can talk to her when I'm done!"

"Miss masen?" Carslile said, Alice's giggling cut off immediatly, " This is Carslile Cullen, I'm Cheif of medicine at the Seattle Grace hospital. Your brother, Mr Edward Anthony Masen, was rushed here after sustaining major injuries in a car accident. We did everything we could, but we couldn't save him, I am so sorry." I heard alice on the other side.

"Please, Dr Cullen, please. Tell me it isn't true, please!" she burst into tears and that's when I snapped. I had spent my whole life with the masen family and their foster kids, the hales. Emmett had been my big teddy bear of a brother, alice my little pixie of a sister, Rosalie my fiery role model older sister who taught me to fight and guarded me like a dragon, jasper the over-protective brother type who inspected every boyfriend at the door and comforted me when I was down, Edward was never my brother, but my best friend and my first crush, first kiss and first and only love. Edward snr. was my fathers best friend and my second father, Elizabeth was my mother, because I had none of my own. My father, charlie, I had taken care of him my whole life, I had always taken care of all of them and they had taken care of me in turn and I wasn't about to stop now.

"Alice, honey, it's ok, I'm here," I crooned down the phone when Carslile gave it to me,

"Oh, Bells. Is it true? He can't be dead, he can't be!" I shushed her, fresh tears welling up in my eyes. "You've got to come here, stay with us. Rose and Emmett will come and pick you up on their way, Dad is coming with Mom, They took the first flight up from vancouver." and that was alice. Her defence mechanism was to bring everyone together and to organise, I let her because I knew it was the only way she would cope.

"Ok, Ali, I love you. Tell jasper I love him, too, and I'll be there soon," I tried to stay calm, but the tears spilled over. Carslile took me to the cafeteria and bought me a coffee. The caffine numbed me and I sat, waiting, for my big brother to take me home. Emmett rushed in, with Rose on his heels. He pulled me into a bone crushing hug, Rose grabbed me and held on tight. The drive home was quiet.

Alice answered the door, and my protective instincts kicked into overdrive. She had tears streaking her face and she looked tiny and fragile, not the enthusiastic pixie I was used to. Rose and I moved in sync and enveloped alice in our arms, Leading her inside. Jasper looked like he was folding into himself, bent over a half empty bottle of whiskey, shaking with sobs. I went to him, and he looked up at me, blinking like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time. "oh, jazz," I put the bottle aside and took his hands, helping him to his feet. I led him to the hall where we met Emmett, they hugged. It wasn't a 'manly hug', the two tall, muscled men fell, sobbing into eachother's arms and then released eachother. I took Jasper to his room and lay him out on the bed, kissing his forehead as I left.

Alice lent me some pj's for tonight. I could have gone to the house, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, it was too painful. Ali, rose and I fell asleep in the great king size bed in the spare room that night, The tear-soaked pillows offering little comfort. My dreams were filled with edward.

_flashback- bella's dream_

_"Hey, Edward," I said, grinning. I was thankful I hadn't needed braces, as if a thirteen year old needed more to feel uncomfortable about. _

_"Hey," he said, closing the fridge and tossing me a coke. I was staying for the weekend, as I did often. We talked and laughed for a while until I heard alice yelling for me from upstairs. _

_"see ya later," I said, rolling my eyes, he smirked at me so I pulled a face and stuck my tongue out at him. I stopped outside alice's chamber of horrors- I mean bedroom, took a deep breath and entered. Only to be tackled by a hyper pixie and a beautiful fifteen year old in spike heels. "I'ts just a date you guys, no big deal!" I cried, and rose put her hands on her hips, scowling, which effectivley shut me up. They put me in a white blouse with black buttons, a denim waist coat and a pair of skinny jeans, to my relief. They put on some simple make-up, with navy eyeshadow to match my waistcoat. They then pulled two braids of my hair around my head and tied them with a hairband, leaving the rest of my hair loose. Then rose gave me a pair of black, shiny shoes that had small heels on them, I could look cool without falling on my face._

_I walked out without looking at the mirror, and down the stairs with ali and rose at my heels. Jasper did a double take, Emmett wolf whistled and Edward did a spit take with a mouthful of coke. I winked jokingly, and batted my eyelashes saying "hello, boys," they all swollowed loudly and I asked alice what I had done. "You really have no idea how hot you look, do you?" she replied, but my answer was cut off by the door bell. Mike newton, a general pain in the ass, but I didn't want to turn him down and hurt him anymore. _

_"hey bel- wow!" He said as we opened the door, my family scrutinised him for a while before hugging me and letting me go with mike. His brother drove us to the movie theatre, and told mike to call him when we were done, winking at his little brother. We were in the silence of the movie theatre, when mike did 'the move' and leaned in. He started sucking at my throat and he grabbed my ass in one hand and placed the other over my boob it was awful and it was going too far. I moaned his name quietly, hoping it sounded realistic enough, and he looked up, that's when I punched him. I socked him right in the jaw, then in the eye. I grabbed my purse and left mike in the movie. Jasper came to pick me up, and looked about ready to kill mike, but I assured him that I had given that asshole enough of a beating. _

_When we got home Edward was waiting, fuming on the porch. Jasper went inside and I went to sit beside him on the porch swing. I touched his hand, and there was some weird electric current that shot up my fingers and arm. He looked up at me, green eyes blazing. "Did he touch you, bella?" He asked, I nodded, and told him every detail. "that bastard, no one touches my girl like that, no one..." He stopped suddenly as we both realised what he had said. "Bella, I..." he said, pinching the bridge of his nose, "I really like you, more than any girl I've ever met, and I can't lie to you anymore. I didn't want to mess up our friendship, and if you don't feel the same I completely understand, and I hope we can forget all this and..." his voice faded away and he looked into my eyes again. I threw myself at him, kissing him with everything I had. He kissed me back after a moment, and he licked my bottom lip, asking for entrance that I gladly gave. His tongue battled with mine as our lips moved in sync. We broke off, gasping for breath, and I looked him in the eye. _

_"I love you, edward." I was going to say more, but my lips were suddenly far to busy for talking._

_end of flashback_

I woke up in a bed that wasn't mine, and the whole ordeal came flooding back. So did the tears.

**meanwhile...**

**Edward's (pov) (only short sorry :( )**

I woke up as my eye's flittered in the light. As my senses came back i realized that i was not in the hospital ward nor was i alone.

**to be continued.....**

**mwahahahahaha! Ok i need 15 reviews ok thats all i want i know its alot but there you go! please thanks xxxxxxx luv you guys and you chloe (pen name: bodering on insanity brill storys check em out) love you the most xxxxxxxxxxxxxx**


	3. SORRY

**hi everyone i am SO SORRY for keeping you waiting but my computer was broken and school and everything. But i'm back and starting to write again. So if i ever do this again i shall try to make it to the library **

** ~LOVE YOU ALL SO SORRY~**

**~cat**


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